I do. It’s really hard to go through life being completely self centered and egotistical…well for me it is. I can just imagine the looks on some of your faces. Some of you were like, “my ex-husband, my mother-in-law, my boss…” I know, we all know someone who is so totally enthralled with themselves, that your inner twelve year old is like, “Well just marry yourself already!” Am I right? Well for each of those, you probably know 60 more, who are always there for their friends, or the most amazing mother, an amazing son, father, wife, boyfriend…at times to their detriment. There it is. “Aye, there’s the rub.” You know what I’m talking about. We’ve been taught to glorify codependency and honestly, it is really hard to figure out where being a kind and caring person ends and being sucked dry by the need to feel needed begins.
You know what you should do?
Of Course you don’t. I hate to disappoint, but I think the see-saw of life is too rough a ride to try and create some sort of algorithm. I do think that we can learn to gage our health, our feelings and our ability to work towards our goals in such a way that we can work towards a sense of balance, or rather a sense of harmony. My friend Julie Anne uses the comparison of life to music metaphorically which really speaks to me because one: I love music and two: sometimes certain parts of our lives play more fortissimo than others. Some parts of our life scream at us, while others wait quietly by the wayside.
What movement of your life are you in? Which part of your life is taking center stage?
As I look around I see an incredible number of people sacrificing their health and well-being because they are taking care of others. Whether it be their children, spouses, parents, friends or a relative, people are diminishing themselves to the point where they get sick or are emotionally spent.
Do you see it? Do you do this? How do you get out of that cycle?
Well, it’s a process, and one that is well worth it. Some big changes and some small changes need to happen, but the underlying principle is if you continue to fill everyone else’s cup before yours, you run out, but if you continually fill your cup, you will always overflow into others.
Nice idea, but what the heck does that mean in real life?
I hear the proverbial you because I’ve been there. I’ve asked the same questions. It means starting with the small things that you can change tomorrow. Here are a few easy examples.
- Drink a glass of water as soon as you wake up.
- Turn off your devices and notifications before you go to sleep.
- Schedule a massage, manicure, or a walk with friend and stick to it.
- Take a nap.
- Talk to a life coach and work on a goal. (Schedule a Discovery session to see if WE would be a good fit for each other.
Pick one or two. Commit to it. It’s something you need. As you start to implement these things, you may start to day dream about different goals, more challenging goals. Make sure to break them up, make them attainable, customize it to your energy level and the tempo at which you feel comfortable moving.
How can you support yourself?
Be honest about the challenges. My best example is working out. I would love to say that I work out four days a week because I love it and I’m so committed to it. The truth is I enlisted help. I hired an in home trainer. Brittany comes to my house twice a week and we do really intense workouts and then she gives me suggestions for the other days. I have to show up…it’s my house! She checks in with me and makes sure that I’m staying committed. It’s integral to have someone hold you accountable and it’s fun to have someone to celebrate with. If a personal trainer just isn’t in your budget right now, enlist a friend. Maybe you have the same goal and you need each other to stay accountable. This is something that my team has adapted to work on their professional goals. They have accountability partners. They have similar goals, or just work well together and they hold each other accountable to the goals that they have set for themselves on a weekly basis. They set together time to work together or just a check in time. They offer suggestions or are just an open ear. Even just saying out loud to someone else feels more like a contract than just thinking about it.
Anything is possible when you start to break your goals down into hunks, chunks and bites.