Last Sunday, I tried to take a day off. I had an anxiety attack. I have been working on creating harmony in my life. Making time to spend with my friends, time to read, exercising regularly and I felt good about all of that. Then I backslid. A series of events happened and I lost my way. So when I tried to go back, my anxiety gremlins crept in and kept my mind spinning with all of the things I “should” have been doing when what I really needed was a break. To put it mildly, it was a very unsettling feeling. During that time, I posted on Facebook reaching out for some positivity and inspiration.WELL. I GOT A HUGE REMINDER.
Immediately after posting, I got a phone call. My friend Elisa asked if I needed to talk through anything and offered some really great suggestions. Listen to a really great album, which made me rediscover Norah Jones and Joss Stone. More so than anything else, I felt so loved that she would take the time to call me. Throughout the day as people scrolled through their Facebook newsfeed, I got three more phone calls about five texts and a couple Facebook messages. This was in addition to the reactions and comments I was getting on the post itself. The bad feeling was quickly replaced with an incredible warmth that grew in the center of my chest. Where my heart had been pounding previously, I now had an overwhelming cozy feeling and a feeling that I was loved. Pretty soon, my stress just melted away. I had a chance to talk it out with a couple people and I was reminded that as much as I love my work, I love it because of what it allows me to do for my family and how it allows me to connect to people. That’s what it’s all about for me and that’s what you all reminded me. Whether you reached out or not, I am so grateful for all of the incredible people that God has put into my life. My relationships are what give me the most joy. You all are what keep me moving forward and growing my business so that I can reach people and have a positive affect. I can’t even describe to you the lightness that came with those phone calls, but the shift I was struggling to make was believing that allowing my body a chance to recharge is a productive way to spend my time. Only qualifying my productivity by how many items I check off of my list was allowing my stress levels to grow exponentially. I am so fortunate.
I had been sick since October, and I was actually pretty concerned about myself. Throughout the process of figuring out what was going on, which, by the way, ended up being manageable and non-life threatening, I had people texting and calling on a regular basis to see how I was doing. Elisa, Laura, Brandi, my mom, several clients. I am not usually one to share what’s going on with my health to more than just my close circle because people can sometimes say some insensitive things. I had to get over that. I needed support in that. I had to cut my work load in half and I was in what I call “essentials mode”. I only did what had to be done. I only did what HAD to be done to keep my business and household afloat. I wasn’t working out, I wasn’t eating well, because I was depressed and I was sleeping a lot. I am taking the necessary steps to get better. It has been so amazing to have people show their care and concern. It reminded me that I matter to people.
So this blog post is a big fat whopping THANK YOU! This was a great reminder to me and I hope to you too, that sometimes doing nothing is the most productive thing you can do.